Updated: May 6, 2019
I wrote this while my mother was ill some time ago, but the message is still true: Choose balance, choose love, and replace “things” with treasured memories and happy days.
There is never enough time.
As I sit here in the ICU with my ailing mother I lament on what I should have done. What else could I have done? There is never enough time. We all have choices as to how we live our lives and sometimes it is difficult to know when you need to take time away from work to help someone else or when it will be ok to just carry on your day.
I am so aware of my actions and emotions these days that I often feel that ignorance is bliss. How much easier it would be to just react and not be proactive. I have to catch myself and encourage myself to live in this moment. Last night I thought my mother wasn’t going to last through Christmas she was so sick. Today is a good day. She is alert, smiling and eating. I am happy, in this moment, at this time to have her, to love her.
I am reminded of the story “I’ll Love you Forever.” It is a story of a mother that cares and nurtures her son. As a baby she rocks him and tells him she will love him forever. As the story goes on it depicts the relationship of the mother and son and how it changes until the little boy is a grown man caring for and nurturing his mother, rocking her as she had rocked him. As I am blessed to be able to care for my own mother I realize that this transition has occurred. I am now her parent.
When I was a little girl I used to love to be rocked, (truth be told, I still rock when I am stressed). Instead of asking my mother if she would rock me, I would ask her “Momma, can I rock you?” I, like the son in the story, would love nothing more than to pick her up and rock her to sleep. Sleep, with sweet, sweet dreams of heaven.
Only God knows when he will take her, but I know she is ready. She has told me so. What a blessing to know that she is satisfied with her life and that she, while frightened of the unknown like all of us, is at peace knowing she is going “HOME” soon.
Part of having a balance in life is being able to live with the choices you make. Loving and being loved go hand-in-hand.
May you always realize that time and love are your greatest gifts. May you always remember what is important in life. May you make good choices, starting with choosing happiness and love over objects and clutter.